We are going back in time, back to the year 2013/2014. That was my first year as a student at the university here in the city. I graduated from high school 1,5 year before that, but at that time I had absolutely no idea what I exactly wanted to do. What are my dreams? Some of my friends knew exactly what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives, while I had absolutely no idea. But finally, I decided to study economics. It was a very safe option: I was really good at economics, business administration and math in high school and you will get a job very easily.
And maybe that wasn’t a problem at the beginning. I was getting very good grades, I was working at my two jobs and I still had enough time for friends. The first year was amazing. But was it because I really enjoyed this study and going to school? I think it was more because I really liked the other students that were in my class. I went shopping a lot with the other girls in my class, had a lot of fun during classes with the guys.
But when my exams were coming (every 9/10 weeks) I was so feeling stressed. I wanted to pass my exams in one year, but it gave me a lot of stress. In the first period of my first year, I had 8!!! different exams in just 2 weeks. But somehow I managed to learn 8+ books every period and passed my exams.
My second year was different. I got fewer exams and the classes were less fun and so much more serious. I had to go on ‘business trips’, just to see how different kinds of businesses were operating. And that is when I felt less comfortable. I had to wear formal clothes and that is absolutely not my kind of style.
I was getting more and more tired. One day I went to a John Mayer concert in Amsterdam and I called my mother to see if she could make a doctors appointment. I felt terrible, I wanted to throw up, I was dizzy and it felt that I was not really there. The next day I went shopping with my friend in Amsterdam before we went home. And we went to the busiest Primark and I just wanted to get out of the store. It felt like I was going crazy.
My doctor said it probably had something to do with my stress levels and my exams. I had to relax a little bit. I’ve tried a lot of things after that. But it did get so much worse. One year later or maybe 1,5 year later I was still feeling tired. Not tired as in you need to take a nap. I could sleep for 16 hours a day. I tried to get up and go to school. It was hard. Every single day it felt like I could faint any minute. I was hyperventilating. I got really anxious and I was in a negative flow. Later I went back to the doctor and he had my blood results and I was healthy. He said that there was nothing wrong with me.
Just a few months later I finally knew what was ‘wrong’ with me. I got a burn-out. I had to let go of everything. My school, my exams, I just had to relax and recover. This took a while though. Especially my panic attacks were the worst. I barely could go outside without getting one. And still right now if I am tired and not having a great day, I know I can get one.
I started to learn more about burn-outs and law of attraction. A lot of people did not understand it. How can a girl of just 22 years old get a burn-out? But a burn-out is not related to age. I think it is more based on if you are doing what you really like or not. Because I survived my first year of uni pretty easily, but I liked the classes I had in my first year more than in my second year. And then I started to realize that I did not want to wear formal clothes and I did not want to sit all day long behind a desk and wait till it is 5 o’clock. I don’t think you necessarily get a burn-out when you work 12 hours a day. When I was little I could do the same thing all day long and I did not get a burn-out at that time. I can blog all day long and feel fine and relaxed. That is because I am really enjoying blogging/writing and making content.
Things have changed though. I am taking more care of myself right now. If I want to work/blog all day long, then it is fine by me. But if I need a break for a day, then that is also fine.